last conversation with steinbeck

as i embark on what should be my last conversation with john steinbeck, at least in terms of east of eden, i have to say that i really don't want to start reading because i don't want my stopping to be end of this book.

now that i'm finally finished, i can most definitely say that east of eden is one of the most important books i have ever read.

above all, it has made me question depravity, love and the choices we make when we attempt to run away or toward both.

thank you.

a fall in energy

it was such an innocent beginning. to look upon another's adventures and mission manifested in such beauty and with such conviction makes one reflect on the lack of both in oneself. 

perhaps that's what happened tonight. i think i've just suffered from a lack of conviction in what i'm doing. i'm conflicted.

where does my heart lie? part of it pulls towards the margins of the world where a new life and a new love awaits. i can feel it. but part of it anchors me home. it anchors me here. 

it started so innocently. and now mind, heart and soul are in such conflict. lesson learned. i cannot let my mind wander to the adventures of others while the practicality of life does not allow for me to wander with them.

continuing conversations with steinbeck part II

"the word 'timshel' - 'thou mayest' that gives a choice. it might be the most important word int he world. that says the way is open. that throws it right back on the man. for if 'thou mayest' - it is also true that 'thou mayest not'"

herein lies the greatest gift humanity was and is given. the power to choose. just because we were born of sin and of guilt does not automatically mean we are pre-destined towards it. rather, we choose, actively and constantly, to act good or bad and to deal with the consequences accordingly.

continuing conversations with steinbeck

as i continue to read east of eden, i am constantly struck with a) how pretentious i must sound when i talk about how i'm reading east of eden and b) the glorious questions that his words keep presenting with page after page.

i just read lee, samuel and adam's conversation about sin and was quite struck with how it made me feel. not only do i want to begin reading the bible but also, it made me reflect on the meaning of the passage.

god saved cain.

what does that say about us, his children? if we believe the story, we, ourselves, are all descendants of cain. the first murderer. the man who lived after murdering his brother, abel, and passed his guilt unto us. are we doomed to be enveloped in sin and guilt because of the sin of our ancestor?

are we doomed to sin?

our memory as humans was forged out of cain's sin but if we choose to see history in a different way, perhaps the true meaning lies in the humanity being forged out g-d's mercy and forgiveness. perhaps the present, our lives, are meant to act in order to redeem cain and humanity. after all, in his infinite wisdom, there must be a reason why

god. saved. cain.