How are people supposed to be assertive with their friends?

I don't get why you are so intent on pushing me to be mean to you. I try to be nice. I try to accommodate your behaviour as best as possible; I even resort to being passive, but you are so intent on making me not want to be your friend and act aggressively towards you. Is that what you want? Is that the behaviour you're trying to elicit from me?

I'm above that. I'm above your poking and your prodding and I am trying my best to think about how I'm going to reply to you. I know you're not an asshole. And yet, you continue to think that this type of behaviour will get you attention and will make me want to foster a closer friendship with you. What you need to realize is that, if anything, it's pushing me away.

Grow up.